Leave Me Alone.

So normally when you see there might be something wrong with someone, you ask them what may be bothering them. If this person so chooses to answer you with the actual problem, that means they are seeking an ear to listen to them. If this person chooses to tell you 'nothing', even though somewhere deep in your gut you know something is wrong, you leave them alone. They obviously don't want to talk about it. Well at times I am easy to read. When I'm pissed off everyone knows. Today and yesterday were definitely long days. My days don't settle down 'til about 5:15, ish. By the time my day ends, I am at my wit's end. At this point my attitude is all over my face and in my body language. At this point I do no want to talk, about anything. This is also the point where my mother chooses to ask me what's wrong. 'Nothing' will probably always be my answer because I just don't want to talk about anything, especially not my feelings and stuff. I have no patience and I lose all type of control when I'm frustrated. When I decide to leave the room and go to bed, this does not mean I need Anger Management and/or see a psychiatrist. This means 'nothing' is wrong.

Today is Theo's (Malcom Jamal Warner) Birthday (:

I need all of these, every season on DVD. NEED.

Last First Day of School, tomorrow.

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

Speak Your Mind Friday.

I forgot all about this and I'm too excited to remember to speak my mind on Fridays. Anyway... so many things are being anticipated right now. Many things are being ironically questioned. Other things are making my life become an unconventional whirlwind.

I love it when we make mistakes, 'cause I love to complain.

There's definitely nothing to complain about if you're living. Never will I complain out loud, I will not nag. But I am constantly sulking and sitting still without trying to fix my mindset. I've become way too distractable to the point of me not even knowing what I was going to say next... Whatever, I question too much. Like I don't think it's any of my business to know why a certain word is spelled a certain way, but that's what I think about all the time. Or who gave someone the authority to make up an imaginary number to be used in Trigonometry w/ an i. I could have sworn letters were used for words and numbers were used in math. Or why the alphabet is the only way we can spell things If so many people had jurisdiction over how we now articulate, why did they feel twenty- six letters were enough to conjugate and express. These are things I think too much about and then I find myself complaining, internally.

The things I need to be worried about have been placed on the back burner. Like why my room has not been cleaned in over two weeks, and why I'm ok with it. The mess that's created is really not ok. The things I need to be worried about are more or less heightened by other people. I'm scared of what's going to happen next and most everything I'm stressing about will be resolved by next Friday. I'm hitting switches, like I'm fixed hydraulics....'cause I'll show you maagic.

Too tired of false advertisement. Why does DirecTV advertise their Customer Service as 'great' ? Nobody's Customer Service is great or nice or accurate. So why would the customer service from the cable guy be 'great' ? I'm tired of all these new photographers with brand new cameras. I'm definitely not hating because actually I know the people who apparently love photography and art; I have respect for that. But these people who swear they are shooting for Oscar De La Renta somewhere in Madrid. No little mama, you're in The San Fernando Valley. You are false advertising. I'm tired of BET falsely explaining black people, people with African descent. Not all of us look like the people in the background of 106 & Park and not all of us have baby daddy's and names like Tiny. Most of us speak English and most of us have regular cars without Ice Cream Paint Jobs, yeah buddy !

I love how Jerimih in his song, 'I'm a Star', he talks about how he has beacoup things. It really made my day. The only reason I'm ending this post is 'cause I can't focus anymore.

One day at a time. The sun flies whether you see it or not it still shines. Day At A Time

How It Was, How It Is

I gotta find peace of mind/ I know another cord...I gotta find peace of mind/ See, this what that voice in your head says/ When you try to get peace of mind...I gotta find peace of mind, I gotta find peace of mind/ He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible/He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible/ He says there's no me without him, please help me forget about him/ He takes all my energy, trapped in my memory/ Constantly holding me, constantly holding me/ I need to tell you all, all the pain he's caused/I need to tell I'm, I'm undone because/ He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible/ He says it's impossible without him, but I know it's possible/ To finally be in love, and know the real meaning of/ A lasting relationship, not based on ownership/ I trust every part of you, 'cause all that I... All that you say you do/ You love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myself/ I just can't believe that you, would have anything to do/ With someone so insecure, someone so immature/ Oh you inspire me, to be the higher me/ You made my desire pure, you made my desire pure/ Just tell me what to say, I can't find the words to say/ Please don't be mad with me, I have no identity/ All that I've known is gone, all I was building on/ I don't wanna walk with you, how do I talk to you/ Touch my mouth with your hands, touch my mouth with your hands/ Oh I wanna understand, the meaning of your embrace/ I know now I have to face, the temptations of my past/ Please don't let me disgrace, where my devotion lays/ Now that I know the truth, now that it's no excuse/ Keeping me from your love, what was I thinking of?/ Holding me from your love, what was I thinking of?/ You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behind/ You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behind/ He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible/ He says it's improbable, but I know it's tangeable/ He says it's not grabbable, but I know it's haveable/ Cause anything's possible, oh anything is possible/ Please come free my mind, please come meet my mind/ Can you see my mind, oh/ Won't you come free my mind?/ Oh I know it's possible/ Anything, anything, anything, anything, anything/ Anything, anything, anything, anything/ Anything, anything, anything, anything, anything/ Oh free! Free, free, free your mind/ Free, free your mind... free, free your mind/ Free, free, free, free your mind/ Oh, it's so possible, oh it's so possible/ I'm telling you it's possible, I'm telling you it's possible/ Free, free... free, free... free, free... get free now/ Free, free... free, free, free, free... free, free/ You're my peace of mind, that old me is left behind/ You're my peace of mind, you're my peace of mind/ He's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mind/ He's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mind/ What a joy it is to be alive/ To get another chance/ Everyday's another chance/ To get it right this time/ Everyday's another chance.

-Lauryn Hill, I Gotta Find Peace of Mind

Literally how I've felt & what I've said for a long time.

I need a dozen Krispy Kreme's now. Glazed, no other colors. A la carte.

I need to go to the beach. Soon, before school starts. Weekend ?

I need a car. Pronto. Now that I've had one, it's completely necessary.

I need to see Jamie Foxx in concert. I don't think it's happening though.

I need a good mood. Like all day.

I need a good day, all day. No like, just foreal.

I need to start school. So I can have my comfort zone of a schedule.

I actually need these things. Not even a want.

School's coming back.

Took my breath away, kinda.

Cheating Myself.

Is it obvious what I'm going through right now, boredom. Watching a bunch of DefPoetry right now and it's funny, 'cause I wrote something to the extent of this a few months ago. 'Cept, you know from my point of view.

This post's title will be continued later...

Slow & Steady,

I've learned to live with that.

MY last weekend.

The rest of my school has one more week and 2 more weekends left in their summer vacation. Me and 7 other people, on ASB, are done with summer on Sunday @11:59. Mhm, that official. I don't even know if I'm looking forward to this coveted last weekend. I'm not even looking forward to today, not til 5o'clock. I haven't done too much of anything I wanted to do this summer, so I'm doubting any of it will happen in these two days. Especially because as of right now, I'm carless. NO CAR. Like I've been saying, this has been the worst summer I've ever experienced. At least there's only one more year of high school. I'm not even taking that lightly 'cause I know w/ my luck, it will be the longest year of my life. Hm, I'll take it. Senior photo today, I have brown hair again, praise the Lord, I dreamt I was on Cops robbing Liquor Stores w/ no repercussions because my dad was there helping me w/ a pistol.

Another. Lol/

My Car Got Towed,

& I stubbed my toe.

I dub this, the worst summer ever.

"It's been real. Peace, love & Harmony."

Talking about cousins & friends leaving for college...

Mommy: Next year it'll be Mariah moving out for college.
Leila: I get her room, right ?
Mommy: Ha ha ha, aren't you gna miss her ?
Leila: Well yea, but I want that room.

She's six -_-