Needles, CA

I'm tired of wishing I could feel better. I've made that wish about 60 times this month along w/ another, they go hand in hand. I've currently been left: disappointed, irritated, agitated, aggravated, bothered, provoked, disrespected, baffled & confused (...if you can think of any other synonyms, they apply). No, I'm not lost or anything, just taken aback.

Whatever, pictures from camping in a few.

Going on another trip, that's far away, 4hours to hotass Needles, NV/ Colorado River. It's a family thing this time, lowkey a family reunion with all these people that are going. I really wish BJ were going, it'd be more complete like. Mm I should be packing right now but I won't be able to focus for I am soo sore. It's only been two days of volleyball and my WHOLE body is aching. Every single little muscle. I will be able to see him tomorrow for a little bit of time before I leave, kinda sucks we haven't spent too much time together lately but that will all be fixed next week (:







Ok, over&out. It's getting late.

Tea Party

It was supposed to be a girl thing while the men did boyish things. They crashed it.

& we did it all for her.

Father's Day.


Almost every "Secret" on PostSecret.com applied to my relationship with my father. I just chose the one most appropriate in this relationship I have with my father.

Theoretically, literally and correctly speaking, I was just the fastest sperm. Although he may love me now, he didn't want me to be born.

Off the sullen shit, I start volleyball this week :)... That's rather horrible in itself just thinking about how much pain I'll be in everyday. Basketball Tuesdays & Thursday, Volleyball Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays. Pray for me ?

Trying to find things,

simple things, that'll make me smile. It's been over 12 hours & my head is still hurting. For one split second I didn't have anything to say...almost choking ?...but now I have plenty to say.

Kia came over to make me feel better, have a laugh or two. I guess it helped for those two hours. Ha she tried, thank you girl...

Tomorrow morning my babygirl graduates from Kindergarten, that'll leave me w/ a smile.





It seems as though the one thing that continuously made me smile, refuses too. Mhm, I have plenty to say on that point.

Vegas.

Went to Vegas for Dayna's birthday and graduation. I actually did have fun. It was literally 15 of us, quite an experience. I didn't get too many pictures, my camera's too damn big to take everywhere ha.

A barbecue.

Vegas at 5 in the morning (:

I still love 'em.

6days, 'til I see him again.
3days, 'til Vegas.




here we go.

ART.

Deep Breath

Walked in the house and found my camera lens on the floor, had to take a deep breath.

Made a simple statement, had to take a deep breath.

Got three different phone calls, had to take a deep breath.

Watched the Laker game, had to take a deep breath.

Got my schedules, had to take a deep breath.

...It's definitely not that easy for now I am on the verge of breaking something.

Half Way Over.

I want my summer to begin already. I still feel the same indifference I've felt all year long. Doesn't necessarily go away and it comes along w/ that feeling of "...'til it happens to you." What it used to feel like, mm let's not go there. It's like the truth comes along w/ a heartbreak. But only what it's "like" not what it is. I'm just too good at what i do... "good at making it seem as its not." Only referring to what I was good at two months ago. This is year's half way over and it's all still the same.

Past times, I've given up. Either distracted or irritated. Belligerency with the sense of urgency to find what I truly wanted. The worst thing I did was not care. Didn't care who I was involved with. Neither perceptive nor concerned. Settled for nothing above mediocre. Yielded to the oncoming issues, yet kept them coming. Denied the facts, clouded by others' feeling & let the controversy build up within me. To be perfectly honest, I'm still accepting without expectations.

I wish I didn't have so much to say, then maybe I could actually speak.