FIVE things you wish you could say to FIVE different people right now:

- Why didn't you just listen?

- I don't even want to say anything to you.

- I'm sorry I can't give you the emotion you ask for. More or less, I refuse to.

- I don't know if I should believe anything that comes out of your mouth.

- You will regret everything.

TEN things about yourself:

- My favorite color is orange.

- I will not date you, or call you, or text you.

- I isolated myself a few months ago. No friends are the bestfriends (:

- I will graduate in less than two months and I wish I could go back two years.

- I am a thug, but we already knew that.

- My hair is curly because I tell it to curl, its not natural -_-

- I hate and love at the same time.

- I started blogging because I thought it would be super cliche to have a diary, but this has now become the biggest cliche.

- I can't live without a blackberry now.

- I need some sort of therapy but I honestly don't think anyone can help me.

SEVEN ways to win your heart:

- Laugh with me.

- Don't ask to buy me anything (just do it), I will most likely say I don't want anything.

- Surprise me.

- Constructively/ honestly criticize me.

- Don't ask me a lot of questions, just observe.

- Listen and remember.

- Don't act like you know me.

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:

- Put my phone on the charger.

- Shower.

- Get a water bottle.

- Think myself to sleep.

THREE songs that you listen to often:

- Nothing Even Matters- Lauryn Hill

- The Thrill- Wiz Khalifa

- Single Ladies- Beyonce

TWO things you want to do before you die:

- Rob a bank.

- Live.

Why is Spongebob always so damn happy ? Making rainbows with his hands and stuff. Squeaky ass voice. How are there thaat many heads on this Earth to fill these 6ft weaves that are produced ? What if I choose to take another woman as a lover and partner when I feel I just as easily could have taken a man—does that mean I don’t ? No homo. Since I hate the human race, I'm insane ? I hate ignorance, but why when I hear this slurred, NOLA accent from a yellow boy do I melt ? Why do we metaphorically call people out of their name ? Why do I speak as though I'm the example for what is to bleeped out on prime time television ? I never have a lack of better words, I just curse all the time. Why do we feel it necessary to talk about bullshit to feel comfortable around each other ? I hate the way these niggas look at me and the way he doesn't. I wish I was six and my only issue were what dress I'm going to wear. Well shirt and shorts to wear. Where the fuck did these bitches learn to dress ? Matta fact, where the waitress at with my drink ? Why do bitches get on my Formspring and try to bang ? Dammit I'll cut a bitch. Matta fact why do they get on there and try to have conversations ? Ask me a fucking question. Imagine me being scared of bitches breathing the same air as me. How did Nicki Minaj get on a track, truly ? Why do we pinky promise ? I hate the people I actually call my friends, what makes you think I like your ass ? Why does everyone think they run LA ? Why are we shocked to know I don't want to say hello ? I hate you. You know what that means in Greek ? I HATE YOU. I'm trying to be happy but I think it's pretty obvious by now that it isn't my strongest forte. Whatever, I hate talking about little things; emotions and feelings. I can't even speak my mind, my cousin tryna sleep. Say my typing is keeping her up, imagine my face. Either way, this post is not nearly as long as I anticipated/ wanted/ hoped. Today was long and it is 12: 40 here in New Orleans. I'll tell you about it in another post I plan on.

-_-

Speak your mind Friday, tonight. I was too tired to do it at midnight New Orleans time for I am still on LA time for a sad sad reason. Two hours behind and I am dying. Worn out. Ha, so stayed tuned.

I deleted your number out of my phone but then I realized immediately afterward, what if I get hit by car or my heart stops working and I only have a couple alive breaths left and what if in that final moment of life you were the person I decided to call and I fumble for my phone to dial you but your number is gone and I haven’t memorized it.

So then, I put your number back into my phone just in case.

Ever since I did that the other day, I’ve been thinking how much it would ruin your life if you were the person I called right before I died. So now I just feel guilty.

I want to be a writer, I want to play in a symphony, I want to be the voice you hear when you listen to audio books, I want to be a counselor, I want to change the world, I want to be happy, I want to work in a bookstore and be impossibly cool, I want to be a beach vagrant, I want to be a high school teacher, I want to be a student forever with more degrees than dollars…

Beautiful.

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If he wasn't so gay, I'd marry him.

Leaving for New Orleans on Monday. Beignets and French Quarter here I come !