Leila Danielle.

I missed Disneyland with her yesterday, but today's her real birthday ! For only turning six she's getting the royal type treatment. Disneyland yesterday and now they're at Chuck E. Cheese. I kinda refused to take part in the second one. Anyway LEILA'S SIX !

I wonder who actually wants this or feels this.

A Miracle.

"Let me say something about that word: miracle. For too long it's been used to characterize things or events that, though pleasant, are entirely normal. Peeping chicks at Easter time, spring generally, a clear sunrise after an overcast week--a miracle, people say, as if they've been educated from greeting cards. I'm sorry, but nope. Such things are worth our notice every day of the week, but to call them miracles evaporates the strength of the word. Real miracles bother people, like strange sudden pains unknown in medical literature. It's true: They rebut every rule all we good citizens take comfort in. Lazurus obeying orders and climbing up out of the grave--now there's a miracle, and you can bet it upset a lot of who were standing around at the time. When a person dies, the earth is generally unwilling to cough him back up. A miracle contradicts the will of earth."

I'd like one now, 'cause someone has got to be kiddin' me.

Take A Step Back.

Choosing to take a step back 'cause others have been taken aback by my previous & recent actions ha. You know, 'cause what others care about really matters huh ? I guess so in this situation. I will not go into detail for it is no one else's business. But my FaceBook account is now deactivated, although I can reactivate it whenever I want. I don't need to talk to anyone on there right now & nor do I need it consuming my time as it has been. & MySpace, yea that'll be gone too. I really can't express how irritated I am & how I can't believe the interest there now is placed on me. I'm not tootin my horn, I don't want anyone questioning my business like that. I'm hardly interested, I'd like to know why someone else would be.

I'd like to know when my life got so complex, almost like the weight of EVERYTHING, mhm everything, is on my shoulders.

I just keep watching it over & over. Hearing the anguish in his voice is almost too much, but I love it.

Babygirl.

Leila graduated, and I didn't post anything about it "/

I really think she was the cutest one there. First grade here we come (:

4thofJuly

google knows.

My Science.

I've broke it down to my science. I now know who I don't like and why. That's never happened before. I've always known who I didn't like, and just left it at that....For example, I now don't know how much I like Drake anymore because of his ridiculous video. Had a bunch of women playing basketball in bras and panties. Stretching is the only thing that counts when it comes down to 2 minutes left in a game. -_-... Anyway back to real life. There's a list of people I wouldn't mind not ever seeing/ hearing about again. In every sense of that, I mean it. I don't plan on doing anything about their existence, trust me. Then there's the people who I really can't understand so I just choose not to like them. Let me rephrase that...I don't understand them, so I don't like them when I'm confused. At this point that's all the time, so I'm not in like, all the time.



I learned that if I place a little bit of attention, effort and care in the people around me it wouldn't be this bad. But I don't care, my attention span is that of a nano-gnat and exterting too much effort will leave me with less attention. I know less and less of what I observe everyday, more or less of what I want to know.

Needles, CA

I'm tired of wishing I could feel better. I've made that wish about 60 times this month along w/ another, they go hand in hand. I've currently been left: disappointed, irritated, agitated, aggravated, bothered, provoked, disrespected, baffled & confused (...if you can think of any other synonyms, they apply). No, I'm not lost or anything, just taken aback.

Whatever, pictures from camping in a few.

Going on another trip, that's far away, 4hours to hotass Needles, NV/ Colorado River. It's a family thing this time, lowkey a family reunion with all these people that are going. I really wish BJ were going, it'd be more complete like. Mm I should be packing right now but I won't be able to focus for I am soo sore. It's only been two days of volleyball and my WHOLE body is aching. Every single little muscle. I will be able to see him tomorrow for a little bit of time before I leave, kinda sucks we haven't spent too much time together lately but that will all be fixed next week (:







Ok, over&out. It's getting late.

Tea Party

It was supposed to be a girl thing while the men did boyish things. They crashed it.

& we did it all for her.

Father's Day.


Almost every "Secret" on PostSecret.com applied to my relationship with my father. I just chose the one most appropriate in this relationship I have with my father.

Theoretically, literally and correctly speaking, I was just the fastest sperm. Although he may love me now, he didn't want me to be born.

Off the sullen shit, I start volleyball this week :)... That's rather horrible in itself just thinking about how much pain I'll be in everyday. Basketball Tuesdays & Thursday, Volleyball Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays. Pray for me ?

Trying to find things,

simple things, that'll make me smile. It's been over 12 hours & my head is still hurting. For one split second I didn't have anything to say...almost choking ?...but now I have plenty to say.

Kia came over to make me feel better, have a laugh or two. I guess it helped for those two hours. Ha she tried, thank you girl...

Tomorrow morning my babygirl graduates from Kindergarten, that'll leave me w/ a smile.





It seems as though the one thing that continuously made me smile, refuses too. Mhm, I have plenty to say on that point.

Vegas.

Went to Vegas for Dayna's birthday and graduation. I actually did have fun. It was literally 15 of us, quite an experience. I didn't get too many pictures, my camera's too damn big to take everywhere ha.

A barbecue.

Vegas at 5 in the morning (:

I still love 'em.

6days, 'til I see him again.
3days, 'til Vegas.




here we go.

ART.

Deep Breath

Walked in the house and found my camera lens on the floor, had to take a deep breath.

Made a simple statement, had to take a deep breath.

Got three different phone calls, had to take a deep breath.

Watched the Laker game, had to take a deep breath.

Got my schedules, had to take a deep breath.

...It's definitely not that easy for now I am on the verge of breaking something.

Half Way Over.

I want my summer to begin already. I still feel the same indifference I've felt all year long. Doesn't necessarily go away and it comes along w/ that feeling of "...'til it happens to you." What it used to feel like, mm let's not go there. It's like the truth comes along w/ a heartbreak. But only what it's "like" not what it is. I'm just too good at what i do... "good at making it seem as its not." Only referring to what I was good at two months ago. This is year's half way over and it's all still the same.

Past times, I've given up. Either distracted or irritated. Belligerency with the sense of urgency to find what I truly wanted. The worst thing I did was not care. Didn't care who I was involved with. Neither perceptive nor concerned. Settled for nothing above mediocre. Yielded to the oncoming issues, yet kept them coming. Denied the facts, clouded by others' feeling & let the controversy build up within me. To be perfectly honest, I'm still accepting without expectations.

I wish I didn't have so much to say, then maybe I could actually speak.