Just bought the prom dress for my Prom. It's May 1st, which is in a little over a week. Then at the end of May, I graduate. That's it. I'm too in shock to say anymore.

I'm not feeling Lil' Wayne's song 'Single' like everyone else on its dick. The video wasn't that great, I don't understand the hype too much. Not really feeling Khalifa's Kush&OrangeJuice mixtape neither. 'Burn After Rolling' was a lot better. Drake's 'Over' video was cool, creative I guess. Either way, I'm kinda really feeling him right now. Hoping he doesn't get overplayed. I'm really anticipating Eminem's album to drop. Hip Hop is looking up right now. Well with Wocka Flocka as the only exception. Whatever, just my opinion as of late.

Ok last one. I just love the way he speaks.

This is old. He has way newer opinions that I agree fully with. Check it out.

http://Illdoctrine.com

http://trust-la.blogspot.com

They're lying to you, keep your ideas. That's all you'll ever own anyway.

Songs on Shuffle. Memories that coincide with each song:

No Greater Love- Blu&Exile; The two years I had with him, regardless of what he thinks.

You Got It Bad- Usher; Fourth grade on the monkey bars, lol singing this.

The Light- Common; When I wasn't allowed to really listen to any explicit music 'cept for Common ha.

The Closer I Get To You- Luther Vandross; Making that playlist on his iTunes.

My Dick- Mikey Avalon; Rollin' deep everywhere, "The Whole Team"

Bills, Bills, Bills- Destiny's Child; That one summer at Westchester YMCA after 1st grade.

Come Over(Radio Edit)- Estelle; Ringtones and iTunes

Let it Snow- Boys II Men; Jammie trying to sing lol.

All My Life- KCi & Jojo; living in Maryland -_-

First Things First- Blu&Exile; Falling in love with them.

Single Ladies- Beyonce; Everyday of my life since I first heard it (:

To Zion- Lauryn Hill; Looking up all her videos and begging to see the Fugees 'cause I thought they were gna do a reunion tour.

Ransom- Drake&them; Using Saida's whack ass Sidekick for music in the car.

Best I Ever Had- Drake; Eleventh grade. Every nigga quoting Drake.

If This World Were Mine- Luther Vandross; The Wood, loving him, that playlist I made.

I'm Yours- Jason Mraz; Marcielaga Lupita

If Your Girl Only Knew- Aaliyah; Grandma's old house in Canoga h.

Going Back To Cali- Notorious BIG; Mad 'cause I got my dick sucked and my balls licked.

Slow Jams- Usher&Monica; Sister Sister, that one episode.

Me, Myself & I; I think we were living in Riverside, either way my jam.

Day N Nite- Kid Cudi; Found it back in my Myspace days, the real version not the wack fast version.

Poppin'- Chris Brown; Getting his first album and being so in love with his little voice.

My Chick Bad- Ludacris; New Orleans

Seems Like You're Ready- R.Kelly; living in Palmdale.

Baby Boy- Beyonce; Beyonce's cute little body & uh this is my favorite song by her.

Love in This Club- Usher; Tenth Grade -_-

I Gotta Find Peace of Mind- Lauryn Hill; Middle of last summer "/

I'll end there, I want to listen that last song all the way through.

“I have never understood the song ‘Infatuation,’ just as I have never understood the concept of infatuation. It has always been my understanding that being ‘infatuated’ with someone means you think you are in love, but you’re actually not; infatuation is (supposedly) just a foolish, fleeting feeling. But if being “in love” is an abstract notion, and it’s not tangible, and there is no way to physically prove it to anyone else… well, how is being in love any different than having an infatuation? They’re both human constructions. If you think you’re in love with someone and you feel like you’re in love with someone, then you obviously are; thinking and feeling is the sum total of what love is. Why do we feel an obligation to certify emotions with some kind of retrospective, self-imposed authenticity?

Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live.

When you walk through the halls and everyone smiles, remember high school isn't forever. When he tells you he loves you, believe him but remember high school isn't forever. When you receive slack for your room being unpresentable, remember high school isn't forever. When that bitch says she wants to fight, remember high school isn't forever. When you get pulled over and you're not penalized too bad, remember high isn't forever. When you're not allowed to do much, remember high school isn't forever. Either way, do what you love and fuck the rest.

yes, that is a skirt I have on.

Maxwell/ Jill Scott

My heart, life would be content if I could get tickets for this concert. Not even kidding, I'd have tears in my eyes to watch them perform. Ugh, working on it.

Finally. I'm too over Nicki Minaj's ratchett ass voice.

Razones por las que no lloran.

Fuck & that are in my vocabulary. I graduate in less than two months. The people in my life that are constant will remain that way. I have the best friends anyone could ever have. I know enough. This too shall pass. Raisons pour lesquelles nous ne pleure pas.

FIVE things you wish you could say to FIVE different people right now:

- Why didn't you just listen?

- I don't even want to say anything to you.

- I'm sorry I can't give you the emotion you ask for. More or less, I refuse to.

- I don't know if I should believe anything that comes out of your mouth.

- You will regret everything.

TEN things about yourself:

- My favorite color is orange.

- I will not date you, or call you, or text you.

- I isolated myself a few months ago. No friends are the bestfriends (:

- I will graduate in less than two months and I wish I could go back two years.

- I am a thug, but we already knew that.

- My hair is curly because I tell it to curl, its not natural -_-

- I hate and love at the same time.

- I started blogging because I thought it would be super cliche to have a diary, but this has now become the biggest cliche.

- I can't live without a blackberry now.

- I need some sort of therapy but I honestly don't think anyone can help me.

SEVEN ways to win your heart:

- Laugh with me.

- Don't ask to buy me anything (just do it), I will most likely say I don't want anything.

- Surprise me.

- Constructively/ honestly criticize me.

- Don't ask me a lot of questions, just observe.

- Listen and remember.

- Don't act like you know me.

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:

- Put my phone on the charger.

- Shower.

- Get a water bottle.

- Think myself to sleep.

THREE songs that you listen to often:

- Nothing Even Matters- Lauryn Hill

- The Thrill- Wiz Khalifa

- Single Ladies- Beyonce

TWO things you want to do before you die:

- Rob a bank.

- Live.

Why is Spongebob always so damn happy ? Making rainbows with his hands and stuff. Squeaky ass voice. How are there thaat many heads on this Earth to fill these 6ft weaves that are produced ? What if I choose to take another woman as a lover and partner when I feel I just as easily could have taken a man—does that mean I don’t ? No homo. Since I hate the human race, I'm insane ? I hate ignorance, but why when I hear this slurred, NOLA accent from a yellow boy do I melt ? Why do we metaphorically call people out of their name ? Why do I speak as though I'm the example for what is to bleeped out on prime time television ? I never have a lack of better words, I just curse all the time. Why do we feel it necessary to talk about bullshit to feel comfortable around each other ? I hate the way these niggas look at me and the way he doesn't. I wish I was six and my only issue were what dress I'm going to wear. Well shirt and shorts to wear. Where the fuck did these bitches learn to dress ? Matta fact, where the waitress at with my drink ? Why do bitches get on my Formspring and try to bang ? Dammit I'll cut a bitch. Matta fact why do they get on there and try to have conversations ? Ask me a fucking question. Imagine me being scared of bitches breathing the same air as me. How did Nicki Minaj get on a track, truly ? Why do we pinky promise ? I hate the people I actually call my friends, what makes you think I like your ass ? Why does everyone think they run LA ? Why are we shocked to know I don't want to say hello ? I hate you. You know what that means in Greek ? I HATE YOU. I'm trying to be happy but I think it's pretty obvious by now that it isn't my strongest forte. Whatever, I hate talking about little things; emotions and feelings. I can't even speak my mind, my cousin tryna sleep. Say my typing is keeping her up, imagine my face. Either way, this post is not nearly as long as I anticipated/ wanted/ hoped. Today was long and it is 12: 40 here in New Orleans. I'll tell you about it in another post I plan on.

-_-

Speak your mind Friday, tonight. I was too tired to do it at midnight New Orleans time for I am still on LA time for a sad sad reason. Two hours behind and I am dying. Worn out. Ha, so stayed tuned.

I deleted your number out of my phone but then I realized immediately afterward, what if I get hit by car or my heart stops working and I only have a couple alive breaths left and what if in that final moment of life you were the person I decided to call and I fumble for my phone to dial you but your number is gone and I haven’t memorized it.

So then, I put your number back into my phone just in case.

Ever since I did that the other day, I’ve been thinking how much it would ruin your life if you were the person I called right before I died. So now I just feel guilty.

I want to be a writer, I want to play in a symphony, I want to be the voice you hear when you listen to audio books, I want to be a counselor, I want to change the world, I want to be happy, I want to work in a bookstore and be impossibly cool, I want to be a beach vagrant, I want to be a high school teacher, I want to be a student forever with more degrees than dollars…

Beautiful.

http://Jesialex.blogspot.com

http://Flickr.com/jesialex

http://Facebook.com/jesialex

If he wasn't so gay, I'd marry him.

Leaving for New Orleans on Monday. Beignets and French Quarter here I come !

I used to be cute, red hair poppin. I used to take pictures of myself with a little camera a foot away from my face.

What if Martin Luther King, Jr walked up to you right now and was like "I have a dream, you'll be the first black female President ?" What would you do ?

-Marci.

Time is going by too fast for me.

Just because I'm single and you have my number, I'm not tryna come see you. Just because I'm single doesn't mean you can call me baby. Just because I'm single it doesn't put you at liberty to approach me at the gym, I'm tryna get my reps in, ALONE. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to talk to you all night; I want to shake my ass, ALONE. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm giving you my number; someone else in this damn valley has it, get it from them. Just because I'm single doesn't mean lines like, "Where's your boyfriend?", will work. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm tryna kick it after. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm going to make time for you. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I need you to try and do things for me. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to know how you'll treat me right. Just because I'm single it doesn't mean I have/ use AIM. The fact that I'm single shouldn't mean anything to anyone but myself.

“One regret dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough.”

— Hafiz of Persia

Relationships never break cleanly. Like a valuable vase, they are smashed and then glued back together, smashed and glued, smashed and glued until the pieces just don’t fit together anymore.

— Marilyn Manson.

And that's the worst part.