Hello 2010 ?

Women- Weak Women

With all the opportunities that women have been given, I am baffled at the general dependency most develop. With all the examples of strong women, I am confused with the lack of integrity. I, myself, am not grown or a woman for that matter, a young lady if you please. It only starts now though. The girls around me are such bitches with no morals and extraordinary expectations. No girl I have ever met has ever seen what she has and appreciated it.

Its obvious females are walking emotional contradictions. But the women who never see her man for what he is, and not what he can do for her are the women that are literally impossible to please. Unless you can turn cartwheels while flipping pancakes they won't be pleased. Personally I want honesty & compliments, w/o 24/7 attention. Just enough is fine. So you will virtually never find a female who will be "pleased" but you will find someone who will be loved/ complimented/ told the truth w/ much appreciation for the principle of feeling like someone is trying for her. -December 15 at 10:51pm

2009

( ) stayed single for the whole year
(x) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
() broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
() someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(x) done something you’ve regretted
(/) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

OTHER
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
(x) went camping
() threw a surprise party
() laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2009 I…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
() met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
(x) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
(x) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x ) had friends who were drifting away from you
(x ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
("/ ) went to the beach with your best friend
(x ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people

LAME YEAR.

I hate feelings but I feel the extreme. Its either love or hate with me. I'm either completely in love with you or I hate everything about you. Its annoying 'cause I hate dramatics yet my feelings are way too ridiculous to be on an understandable scale. I don't want to feel anything, I don't want to have a strong perception. I don't like being susceptible to unsensible susceptibilities. Mm yea, that made sense.

On the subject of hate, I hate 2009. Still in the midst of the stupidest year ever conjured up by Mother Nature & Father Time. At the end of last year I said I was proud to have come out human. It would be totally invalid to say the same now. Change is great but stability is way better. This whole year was full of unnecessary change. Its about that time for making resolutions & I can't think of any. All the ones that come to mind are shallow & hardly self- fulfilling.

At this point my two options for stability are a prefrontal lobotomy or growing up. Seeing that lobotomies don't always end pleasant, my maturity will shoot through the roof.





DISCLAIMER: This is about no one but myself -_-

Behold

Rise up
My beautiful sisters
Victory is yours

Wrap yourself
In the purple cloth
The color
Fit for a queen

Let all
That imitate
The color of your skin
The fullness of your lips
The contour of your hips
Bow down
Before you
And give you
What you are due

Praise
You are
The ultimate woman
That goddess
On high ground
That all others
Behold

My dad took this and edited it lol and I just found it on his laptop.

Grown- up Christmas List

1. Gas Money


2. Food Money

That's it.

My little GAP model (:

Moving on.

"If my outward appearance started reflecting what I really felt, soon enough I’d be wearing my heart on my sleeve for birds to peck at. No, it’s better to hide it. I’m not who I appear to be." -Othello (Modern-Text)

Shakespeare Essay; Going to be up all night -_-

This would be nice; 1975 Mustang Cobra.

Some Days In Words.

Starting with Wednesday:
Waited around my house for millions of hours while the cable man and my dad fixed my house. Drilled holes and stuff into the house 'cause it's so old. We now have cable and Internet. Then went to Sylmar to clean out the old house. Picked up Kia 'cause I haven't seen her in aaages, she helped. Well not really, sat there and talked ha. Decided to go to Target to shop before my trip and experienced the most ridiculous traffic EVER. Did the loddi daa through the store and left. Went to her house, watched an episode of Tough Love and left. Got home and Marci came. Went to some queer boy's kickback and saw many random people. Murder everyone in beer pong. It works when I throw and she drinks. Nicknamed Candace Parker lol, my shot is niiice. "Get 'em." Anyway, had to rush home all quick like 'cause my mom thought I was lying. She found a men's jacket and thought I had someone over the house. Got all the way home and come to find out it was my dad's from earlier that day -_-. Too pissed 'cause my night was virtually over at that point. Marci left me for her girlfriend and I was left to pack.


Thursday:
Up at 7:53; Thanksgiving texts. Got about 5890 messages that day all saying the same thing -_-. Finished packing while watching Like Mike. Went to Grandpa Fred's and I must say this was the lamest Thanksgiving ever. I was annoyed, hungry and bothered all day. Left as soon as possible to get home to leave for Seattle (where I am now). Went to Los Angeles to pick up the children from their father and caught up with those cousins a bit... Off to LAX. First and foremost, I hate airports. Getting through security is stupid, especially when Loyola High School's graduating class of 2006 works the frisking section -_-. I'm 5'4 and 123 lbs, I promise my phone with Shannon Brown on the background is not harboring any killer killer conspiracies. And I'm sure the jeans I'm wearing don't have lethal weapon in them. Mhm, harassed at LAX. Got on the plane and realized I left my iPod in my car. Ruined the whole night for me. Blah blah, fasten your seat belts, blaah. I'm in a different state.


Friday:
Black Friday, to be exact. Annoyed times 32. Only got two pairs of pants(.. but we're going shopping tomorrow at the super mall or something). All me and mother do is argue and my stomach can only take so much. Case in point: I wanted an ice cream cone but 'cause it costed $4.99 and it was 46 degrees out I was told no. I'm a big girl so I was ok w/ that. But my mother had to throw in a "now she has an attitude," I went off. So this then looked like I was having a temper tantrum about not getting ice cream, when actually I was pissed about being disrespected. In the end I wanted to go home and go to bed. Well this was after about 9 other arguments. Uh then went to the grocery store, a huge grocery store, more arguments. Went to bed real early, like 9 something.


Saturday:
That's today. Went to this whack church and we were super late so we were only there for like 17 minutes. Uh there are nooo black people out here, not happy. Minority on a different level -_-. Came home and cooked dinnaa. Mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and the turkey was all made by me. Mhm gutted and seasoned a turkey. Grossness. As of right now, I need a nap. Food will be ready in about an hour or so.


I get to use the D300 and be merry. That's the only thing that's keeping me sane. Now all I need is for it to snow. Disappointed, annoyed, and all of the above.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !
Going to Seattle tonight, until Monday. Have a great day & weekend (:

SHE'S obviously in charge.

(;

“ Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can’t because the words won’t come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful. And people would listen and you wouldn’t make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can’t be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we’re thinking or what we want other people to know what we’re thinking… so we’ll never get the chance to make things right again ever." — Gilmore Girls


EXACTLY !

Everytime I need something I can't find it. Everytime I need someone they can't help. Everytime I need to do something it won't get done. Everytime I try I can't.

I need to lean on something stronger. I need to stand up & walk. More or less, have a comeback.

The End.

I have way too much sense for people. I have way too much common knowledge. I way too much logic. I have way too much consideration for other people. And I have way too much to do to keep dwelling on one thing. I comfort way too many issues. I contain too much anger. I give too much help. And I really have too much hope. I need to be comforted, and such. I obviously will only find this within myself.

This is my problem: I care while nobody else does. I wish I weren't a female. I just know that everything would be so much easier if my genitals hung down a little bit. This is the very last time its gna be a "Fuck Mariah." The last people I would think that would stop caring, have. I'm too tired.I don't completely give up because I think that if I care, something will happen. Too much of what I believe in is brought to shambles. This is why no one seems to know me: my heart has and will never be on my sleeve. I don't want to talk to anyone about my feelings cause the last people I thought that would stop caring, have. Those are the people I'd probably tell. I, personally, can only give/ take so much. My days are way too long for mental capacity. There aren't enough hours in a day to get anything done, but there's plenty of time for drama to arise.

Original. Done Up.

That's me in the lens (:

I want brown hair again.

Quickly.

I've quickly learned how to end a conversation. One that was going somewhere it definitely didn't need to go. The ones that start with, "how are you and HIM doing ?" Don't even ask how I am doing, just jump all into my business. I've quickly learned how to differ my procrastination. Turned it into patience, doing something productive. Something like sleep, I don't ever get enough of that. I've quickly learned turn to calm down. Well not all the way, I'm still high strung without any relaxation. I've quickly learned to give up. On simple things of course, and focus on the bigger things. Like move on type thing.

" You'd be surprised to know how much I don't care anymore."

Cynthia & Daniela (:

LEFT MY CAMERA AT SCHOOL -_-

I WAS ALL EXCITED TO POST PICTURES 'CAUSE I HAVEN'T USED

MY CAMERA IN FOREVER...

>:0, THIS FACE, BUT MUCH MEANER, 'TIL I GET OVER MYSELF.

Good music makes my heart hurt. It tugs at my inner being and makes me close my eyes. Lauryn Hill makes me want to cry, for real. Her vocals, her guitar solos, and her stories. I really can't take it sometimes. If D' Angelo had another album produced, I'd purchase it and make myself sick of it. The organ in 'Brown Sugar', the solid beat of 'Lady', and harmony of 'How Does It Feel', make me want to be a musician of some kind. For some reason Amy Winehouse's range not only amazes me but excites me. Her sound is almost New Orleans Jazz era with the far from subtle hint of R&B. The purest voice I've ever heard is that of Amel Larrieux. The pitch is perfect, never screaming or moaning. The melody she creates from falsetto to alto kills me on every song.

Anthony Hamilton, Jamie Foxx, Maxwell, Eric Benet, Erykah Badu, Aaliyah, Corinne Bailey Rae, Luther Vandross, Musiq Teena Marie and John Legend all do the same thing to me. Notice the lack of females on this list. Most female vocalists don't know what to do with voices and ruin music. I will not discredit the originators such as Billie Holiday, Etta James, and Minnie Ripperton for they will always make my heart flutter. Trust I did not name all my favorites, I have way too many.

R&B music, real R&B music creates some kind of hypnosis on my mind ha and "takes me away." Soul and Blues do the same.

k, i'm done for now.